Change is easier to say than to do. The process of change often comes after going back and forth in your mind until there is no other solution. Habits are hard to break. But at some point you know that you have to break them otherwise you revolve in an unhealthy cycle. This is how I came to the conclusion that I now had no choice than to change. The moment that I reached this point in the book is here in the following excerpt.

From the plane the whole landscape is white. And when we
finally reach London, snow covers the streets. I can’t
remember the last time that I had seen that. When Emma opens
the door the signs of the oncoming Christmas are not evident.
She invites me in and we drink tea. I sit on the sofa where I
had regressed to my childhood, to where the journey described
in this book had really begun.
We talk at length about Martin, about how, I believe, he is
intractable, how he appears to have no respect for anybody
else’s opinion, only his own. Emma asks me about the
relationship, about all the therapy we had together. It was
almost a film in itself. Two writers go to therapy to solve
their writing problem. But that didn’t work. Why was it that
I dreaded seeing him, working with him, just bumping into
him?
“So what exactly is the problem with the script?” asks Emma.
I explain the whole story. I tell her what I had discovered
about myself, but she already knows.
“It’s a battle of egos”, she says.
I knew it was. But the script we had written together was
part of my story, part of my life. I would be personally
affected.
I tell her about Martin’s offer to send out different
versions to a script reader. And I tell her my fears. That
this was my chance to be a screenwriter. The opportunity, the
fast track to success. The dream. Emma asked me how I feel
the meetings with a future production company might go. I
tell her that I believe Martin cannot easily compromise and
that he might even end up at loggerheads with whoever he works
with.
“Is that a situation which will be healthy for your own
career?” asks Emma.
It isn’t. But I feel the options are limited.
“How would you feel if the film came out, if Martin wrote the
script?” Emma asks.
I think for a while. I’m not sure.
“What would allowing Martin to write the script give you?”
she asks.

The process of change came from this conversation. I already had the answers in my head at that point but I think I needed someone else to ask me the questions. Emma provided the key to change. I had to change my behaviour patterns and make a new decision. The key for me lay in the wall post that I had made about the Battle of Egos. The battle that I had gone through and had been so unhealthy all those years ago was repeating itself today.

The answers to these questions were now clear to me. There was only one option and that was to take an action that would free me from the negative situation I had found myself in. But what action? I think I already knew but a chance meeting with an old aquaintance Jacob in a tube train after seeing Emma confirmed my thoughts.

“You know when Princess Leia has been kidnapped in Star
Wars?” he asks. I did. I’d seen the movie with Charles at
University. I’d bought the screenplay.
I nod. “So what happens?” he enquires.
“She tells Tarkin that the more he tightens his grip the more
star systems will slip through his fingers”, I say.
And then the train pulls to a halt. I thought back to MTV,
but I hadn’t met him there. I had met him at Night School
over 25 years before.
“You operated the camera with Kevin”, I say.
“Yes, exactly”, he shouts, jumping off the train.
“Jacob?” I reply.
The doors close. He starts to bang on the window of the
train.
“You have to let go in your life. Let go”, he hollers.