This is where I want to hear your experiences of Reflective Progression. Write a short story covering an aspect of your life and see if there is a need for change. If there is use the steps outlined and see how it works. There is work invovled in doing this, but I would appreciate you joining in. Just add your story in the comments section.

Thank-you and I hope you liked reading my book.

Steve

I want to take you through the process of Reflective Progression. If you haven’t already read the first steps I suggest you read those quickly before delving into this part of the blog. Identify is the first step outlined. When I started writing Getting Lost is Part of the Journey I had already identified a problem in my life. I had written a screenplay and my co-writer and I couldn’t agree on the final version. It had been a painful process for us both. We obviously wanted a solution to the problem but how could that come about if neither of us were willing to back down? The following is the first excerpt in the book where I start to identify the problem.

A few weeks ago I bought some lining paper and cut it into
wall size lengths and pinned it to the wall. I’ve got three
rows of paper for each script that I’m working on at the
moment, twelve rows in all. One has been rewritten 9 times
and I’m still not happy with it. Another is a preliminary
draft. The third is a disaster. I fell out with my co-writer
on that project. To be honest Martin Alice and I weren’t the
best of friends to start with. Now we’ve reached deadlock
with the script. There are two versions, his and mine. I
don’t like the structure of his, he believes we could never
send mine out. Apart from my qualms about the structure
there’s something lacking in both versions. At the moment I
can’t be specific what that is, I’m still searching.
There is interest in the story. A lot of interest. And that
script, that story is very important. The characters are
closer to me than any other work. One of them is me. The main
character. The story is about a particular time in my life.
That’s what makes it probably the most important of all the
ideas I’ve had. Of all things I have written, co-written. And
now I’m lost. That’s why I’ve decided to write this book. The
one that will take shape on those three blank pages on my
wall. Since I discovered this parallel road to life – writing
- this is the way, I feel, I can best examine myself. I hope
to find out why certain relationships and partnerships
haven’t worked.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find a solution in my
working relationship with Martin, although I am not sure
whether that can ever happen.

As you can see at that time I felt there might not be a solution to our problem. But if there was to be a solution maybe it lay somewhere in my past. There had to be something that I could learn from my experiences that I could use again. At this point I did not know where this idea would take me. I was embarking on a journey. And I knew I would get lost along the way. Getting lost was definitely going to be part of this journey.

The second step of Reflective Progression is Reflection. Writing is the best method to use when recording your process of reflection. And remember this is a process. So choose your own method of who you feel you should meet again, the places you should visit and areas of your past you want to focus on. Here’s how I outlined my process in the book, Getting Lost is Part of the Journey.

I’ve got to dig deep into the head of
the protagonist, researching and interviewing the other
characters in his life, revisiting some of the places he’s
been. This book is the story of me. A story of a process, a
journey into the past. And on this journey I am going to meet
up with former colleagues, friends, even people that never
liked me but were all there at important moments in my life.
And something will happen when writing this book that always
happen when I write: I will lose myself in the writing. And
when I am completely lost, I’ll send what I’ve written to the
two people I always trust in this situation. Because on this
journey of self-discovery I will need some feedback in order
to understand and develop my thoughts. This will be the story
of my whole life. And in getting lost in the writing I intend
to find my way again because Getting Lost Is Part Of The
Journey.

I wrote a list of possible interview partners from my past but keep my mind open in order to be able to change that list and react to my writing. But it was in the end the writing that led my choices. I wrote stories about my past and analysed them. I asked two trusted colleagues, people who had in the past offered critical examination of my scripts, to react to what I was writing. To offer interpretations and ideas of the importance of what I had written. I opened myself up which is sometimes a painfully honest process. This was the only way that I knew I could come to a result that would be effective. And if key themes or words came up I acknowledged their importance and pinned them to my wall. To give you a specific example of how this works here’s an example from the book again when I meet a former colleague at MTV, Bea.

The Nordic countries also became a regular destination. I
went on many of these trips with Bea. In Iceland we
interviewed Bjoerk of the then Sugarcubes and featured other
bands. Another interview was conducted literally in the arms
of the world’s strongest man, who held me up high while I
talked to him. The isolation of Iceland makes it special. Two
thirds of the population live in Rejkjavik. And it’s a
culturally interesting country. At the time Iceland had more
authors per capita than any other country in the world. There
are film directors, video artists and of course musicians.
Iceland had and still has a vibrant music scene, particularly
electronic and independent music. The success of The
Sugarcubes and Bjoerk as a solo artist inspired others. I
hope that we at MTV also played a role in their success.
Stockholm in Sweden was also a regular venue for MTV News.
Neneh Cherry, Roxette, Army of Lovers, Ace of Base, Papa Dee,
Rob n Roz and Leila K all became regulars on MTV. Meeting La
Camilla of Army of Lovers was my highlight. She’s a
wonderful, slightly eccentric, beautiful woman. For many
years we remained friends, holidaying together in Greece. One
time I had the privilege of interviewing the men behind
Sweden’s biggest selling band Abba. Benny and Bjoern had a
studio in central Stockholm. They were impressive. They had
remained unassuming despite the fact that they had written
some of the catchiest pop tunes since the 1970’s. But what
impressed me most that day was the roof on their studio. At a
touch of a button it opened up letting the summer sunlight
in.
Bea reminds me of another time in Stockholm. We had been
filming in the day and in the evening we had been invited to
the opening of a new club. As the taxi pulled up there were
hordes of people outside. When they saw us they just stared
and the crowd parted. This is what Bea means when she says
that I was like a cat being stroked. When we entered the club
we stood at the bar and a circle formed around us. People
just gawked. This adoration made me feel I existed.
Sam had been right with his analysis of my main character. I
did question whether I was alive. “TV was your way of
existing”, said Bea. At that time it was true.

TV as a way of existing was a powerful statement from Bea that resonated with me. It was painful to contemplate this. And this was a phrase that I knew had to go on my wall. I had reflected on my life and through that process found out something else that I hadn’t known before.

This was part of the second stage of RP, I still had to go through the most difficult stage, Change.

Change is easier to say than to do. The process of change often comes after going back and forth in your mind until there is no other solution. Habits are hard to break. But at some point you know that you have to break them otherwise you revolve in an unhealthy cycle. This is how I came to the conclusion that I now had no choice than to change. The moment that I reached this point in the book is here in the following excerpt.

From the plane the whole landscape is white. And when we
finally reach London, snow covers the streets. I can’t
remember the last time that I had seen that. When Emma opens
the door the signs of the oncoming Christmas are not evident.
She invites me in and we drink tea. I sit on the sofa where I
had regressed to my childhood, to where the journey described
in this book had really begun.
We talk at length about Martin, about how, I believe, he is
intractable, how he appears to have no respect for anybody
else’s opinion, only his own. Emma asks me about the
relationship, about all the therapy we had together. It was
almost a film in itself. Two writers go to therapy to solve
their writing problem. But that didn’t work. Why was it that
I dreaded seeing him, working with him, just bumping into
him?
“So what exactly is the problem with the script?” asks Emma.
I explain the whole story. I tell her what I had discovered
about myself, but she already knows.
“It’s a battle of egos”, she says.
I knew it was. But the script we had written together was
part of my story, part of my life. I would be personally
affected.
I tell her about Martin’s offer to send out different
versions to a script reader. And I tell her my fears. That
this was my chance to be a screenwriter. The opportunity, the
fast track to success. The dream. Emma asked me how I feel
the meetings with a future production company might go. I
tell her that I believe Martin cannot easily compromise and
that he might even end up at loggerheads with whoever he works
with.
“Is that a situation which will be healthy for your own
career?” asks Emma.
It isn’t. But I feel the options are limited.
“How would you feel if the film came out, if Martin wrote the
script?” Emma asks.
I think for a while. I’m not sure.
“What would allowing Martin to write the script give you?”
she asks.

The process of change came from this conversation. I already had the answers in my head at that point but I think I needed someone else to ask me the questions. Emma provided the key to change. I had to change my behaviour patterns and make a new decision. The key for me lay in the wall post that I had made about the Battle of Egos. The battle that I had gone through and had been so unhealthy all those years ago was repeating itself today.

The answers to these questions were now clear to me. There was only one option and that was to take an action that would free me from the negative situation I had found myself in. But what action? I think I already knew but a chance meeting with an old aquaintance Jacob in a tube train after seeing Emma confirmed my thoughts.

“You know when Princess Leia has been kidnapped in Star
Wars?” he asks. I did. I’d seen the movie with Charles at
University. I’d bought the screenplay.
I nod. “So what happens?” he enquires.
“She tells Tarkin that the more he tightens his grip the more
star systems will slip through his fingers”, I say.
And then the train pulls to a halt. I thought back to MTV,
but I hadn’t met him there. I had met him at Night School
over 25 years before.
“You operated the camera with Kevin”, I say.
“Yes, exactly”, he shouts, jumping off the train.
“Jacob?” I reply.
The doors close. He starts to bang on the window of the
train.
“You have to let go in your life. Let go”, he hollers.

Taking action is easy once you have reached the decision that it needs to be taken. I met up with Martin, dropped my ego and let the control of the script go. At first I had the feeling that I had made the wrong decision. This was partly due to his elation and partly due to the difficulty that I have always had of giving away power in any situation. But shortly aftewards I was sure I had made the right decision. The pressure cooker of emotions and feelings waned and my mind was freed to work on other projects. In this short excerpt in the book I describe that moment.

STEVE (V.O.)
The first time in my life I had
ceded control. The first time I had
let go. I was no longer carrying
the bad feeling. I had now thought
about everything that had happened
between us and progressed. I had
gone through a process that I can
only describe as REFLECTIVE
PROGRESSION. These would have been
the last words for my wall but I
had no use for them here anymore. I
didn’t feel lost anymore.

And this is where Reflective Progression was born.

Resolution comes in three stages. The first result after the resolution of a problem might be a combination of euphoria that the problem has been resolved. But it might also be a feeling of loss, of negativity. That you have made the wrong decision. That is how I felt. This initial reaction will change over the next few days and weeks. The result of the resolution of the problem will start to become clearer. There will be a freeing up of creativity, a boost of energy and positivity which in my case I was able to feed into other projects. The impasse had gone, both in the project that we were working on together but also in my life as a whole. The mental anguish and energy that had been mispent over such a long period was now over. The next stage is the most interesting. I discovered that giving away power induced exactly the opposite effect. It was a powerful tool to increase power. The resolution was now even more profound than before. I had realised that a new behaviour pattern had replaced an old repetitive negative pattern. That doesn’t mean to say there are not many more areas to work on. I’m still able to get lost, but it is only one part of the journey. And in this case it had helped me solve a major problem in my life. The idea is that it will help you solve problems too.

1. Identify:

The first step is to identify the problem. In my case I was having trouble with my co-writer. We had manoeuvred ouselves into a dead end. We had two versions of the script we were writing together. But without agreement we could not move forward. And neither of us wanted to back down.

Describe the problem in as much detail as you can. Let your emotions run free. Try and view the problem from the other person’s perspective as well as your own.

2. Reflect:

Look back at your life to similar situations where a disagreement led to an impasse. Try to be as honest as you can be in retrospect. Write down the story of what happened. Talk to other people who were there at the time. Through this you should achieve an authentic picture of yourself.

3. Change:

This is the hardest of all the Reflective Progression steps. You will now have a clear idea of how you operated in the past. The action you took at that time led to the impasse. It’s time to change the action.

Define that change. Is it letting go of contol as my need was? Is it just being able to make a compromise decision. Often this change is the most difficult because we have maintained a pattern of behaviour over the years.

4. Action:

You have decided on your decision, on the change you want to make, and now you need to implement it.

Try and do this not with resentment but in a giving and open manner. If you are letting go of the control, or compromising, it may at first feel like you have lost the battle. You haven’t.